Some of you may be conflicted by this because according to the Bible
(Genesis ch. 38 – go ahead and read it, it won’t kill you)
the sin of Onan is not masturbation, but spilling his seed on the ground, or wasting it.

And a tissue or your mom’s panties don’t count either.. Yep I know all about what you boys do when you’re allowed to run rampant.

AND as Monty Python says:

Every sperm is sacred..

Now I’m assuming that you don’t want 50 kids running around ragged and dirty, using up all your free masturbation and football-watching time..

So what are you to do?

Only one thing to do if you masturbate – CATCH YOUR CUM AND EAT IT. That’s right – it’s not wasting it if you eat it. Not only that, it’s low carb, low calorie, high in protein, contains epinephrine (a CNS stimulant) and an anti-depressant. So it’s really good for you!

So when you call me boys, have something to catch that cum with, like a little dribble glass and be ready to eat it for me.

Happy wanking =)